Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Dinner conversation

I suppose when one experiences good graces (lovely house guests) one must also encounter something in the universe to balance it out, right?

Enter the unpalatable dinner conversation.

In the last 72 hours, I've attended two dinner parties. Okay, they were both barbecues, but still -- let us not forget that when we are with a group of people who have food before them, then perhaps we should mind our manners and stick to non-offensive, easy-to-digest topics for the table.

In the last three days, I've heard the following discussed (or blathered about, depending on the speaker's drunkenness) over dinner:

  • Urination, defecation, vomiting, or faking retardation as a rape-avoidance technique.
  • The appearance (black) and size (large) of one's scrotum after a vasectomy.
  • Another guest's breasts -- and whether they would make an appearance at the table.
All three were tasteless; the first two were excellent appetite suppressants.

At a social gathering, unless you're hanging exclusively with your sorority sisters or frat brothers and you're all wasted, please remember the phrase polite company and make sure that you act, well, polite.