Mad props to the polite

At Trader Joe's this week, two young girls (about ages 10 and 8, I'd say) walked up to the freebie-snack treasure chest at the front of the store and asked permission first before they took said freebies.

Yes! A child asking politely! Yes! Yes! (fist pump into air) I love these kids and I love the parents who are teaching them good manners!

You rule, polite parents!

No touching

It amazes me how many people think it's okay to touch strangers in public. It's not. It's rude, offensive, and a violation of one's personal space.

I've been pushed in a bank line and chummily grabbed by the shoulders in a buffet line. The second offender got an earful from me.

The other "no touching" rule that I urge all to follow is: Don't Touch Random Babies Whom You Don't Know.

I know people who do this all the time -- we're out at the mall, and up behind us steps a parent with an infant -- and my friend is cooing and drooling -- and then they have to grab the baby's hand, or touch the baby on the face. Yes, babies are beyond adorable. But it's not your adorable kid to touch.

Newsflash: That parent or nanny has no idea where your hands have been, and that child is more than likely going to pick up your germs.

This no-touching rule extends to the workplace: even if you know someone, even if you're "friendly" with them, no inappropriate touching at work. I realize there are some business cultures where a hug is okay between colleagues -- but make sure you know that a hug is okay before reaching out to touch someone.

I'll never forget the first time a business colleague (female) hugged me after a meeting -- I was flabbergasted. I was taught you don't hug at work, and I was thrown. Now, I have a few colleagues whom I do hug, but we've also been working together for eight years, and we only hug hello or good-bye if we're out, like at a lunch. Never in front of clients.

And please, never ever ever do this at work.





Have a great weekend, readers...and stay polite!

How to dress

It sounds silly, doesn't it? Your mommy doesn't dress you anymore, right? Perhaps more mommies should still dress their adult or near-adult offspring.

Think about where you are going first. Think about whom you might see -- especially if this is a business situation, or even a social situation where you might see a potential business contact. Dress appropriately for the occasion. If you're not sure what's best -- black tie or Juicy Couture sweats? -- ask somebody.

Grievous sartorial offenses I've observed multiple times:

• Real estate agents wearing jeans, yoga stretch pants, or raggy shorts while
  showing a property.*
  
• Denim-clad women attending non-casual cocktail parties.
• Hoochie-mama attire in the workplace.
  
• Chest hair displayed in the workplace.

One of the greatest lessons imparted to me came from actor and teacher John Howard Swain. He demonstrated that you show respect for your audience, respect for yourself, and respect for the work by how you dress.

So what does your attire say about you? "Eff you"? or "I like myself"?


*This describes, sadly, about 99.9% of the real estate agents in Chicago. Who told these morons it's okay to look like you're picking up groceries, and you just happened to swing by to maybe make a buck? Show a little respect, lazy asses.

More netiquette

"Netiquette" (Internet + Etiquette) isn't just for emails...it's for -- duh! -- the internet.

When posting in chatrooms, forums, message boards, any where on line:

• Keep it clean.
  
  
• Even if you feel like swearing (yes, I know I likes my cusses, but it's my blog, dammit.), don't find some creative way to hide your swear in another word or with funky spacing. Your post will likely get deleted or blocked anyway.
  
  
• Resist the urge to flame other posters. Would you say that to the poster's face if he/she were right in front of you? Yeah, I didn't think so. (If you just said "Yes I would," then I dare you to go walk over to a coworker right now, and say something nasty ("Hey genius! Nice comment!") with a sarcastic, snarky tone. See what happens.)
  
  
• Don't ramble. No one likes a rambler -- in an email, on a voice mail, or in a post.
  
  
• Don't bore the rest of the world by describing your word verification and what you thought of it. Yes, it's effing hilarious that your WV on today's Cakewrecks was "putrefied" and that's what you thought of the photo. The rest of us don't care.
  

Wisdom from my pedicurist

"I don't interrupt people when they're talking. That's rude."

Rock on, Hannah.

Netiquette

"Netiquette" is etiquette for the internet; usually applied to email. Today we're doing email.

Lesson 1: Write appropriately, and punctuate appropriately, especially if this is business communication.

Translation: when communicating at work, you're at work, not in junior high, and your message should read as such.

Good ideas, so you don't piss off your reader or your boss:

• Avoid using emoticons (the "smiley" or "frowny" faces). It's just not professional.
  
  
• Punctuation????? Less is more!!! Even if you ARE really excited??? You only need one exclamation point! Asking a question? One question mark. Ending a sentence? One period. Period.
  
  
• AVOID USING ALL CAPS. All caps means you are SHOUTING, and, yes, it's considered RUDE.
  
  
• Re-read every email you are about to send, yes, even the two-word email that says: "thank you." You don't want it to go out saying "thank yo."
  
  
• Re-read every email you are about to send.
  
  
• Use sepll chcek evry tme.
  
  
• No, txt abbrs r nt ok. Type out words fully, even if you are emailing from a handheld. This isn't eighth grade, remember?
  
  
• Never forget that this is business communication, no matter where your email originates from. Translation: no, you can't let typos go just because you're on a handheld.

Little things mean a lot, especially in the workplace. Take it from someone who works with VPs and CEOs all the time -- your constant email foibles will keep you from being promoted.

A version of this article originally appeared on The Examiner.

Mad props to the polite

This week's mad props go to...

• The couple who brought wine to a dinner party and presented it to the host.
• The host who then asked, "Would you like me to open this now?"* (guest politely declined)
• The guests who offered to help clear place settings after dinner.*
  

* The last two are optional -- nice things to do, but you don't hafta.

I've been argued against by wine snobs who tell me, "If the host has planned a dinner party with a wine that complements the food, then the host shouldn't open the new wine."

Yeah, "whatevs" as the kids are saying. Despite living in Northern California for five years, my wine snobbery extends to "If it tastes good, and you like it, drink it." Only wine-drinking rule in my house is the ban on two-buck Chuck.

Mad props to you, polite people! You make the world a better place!

If you're hosting a shower...

...for a bride or a mother-to-be, please print out this list of no-nos and make sure you don't commit any of these offenses.

• NO, you may not blatantly ask for specific gifts. Not even if you write a cutesy poem, not even if you have a "good" reason (whine: "but I already have everything I neeeeed...").
  
  
• NO, you may not ask for cash. Ever. Again, regardless of what you think, it's never a good idea. It's offensive. (Good graces = "it's not all about you.")
  
  
• NO, you may not dictate what gifts guests may or may not bring. (Look up the definition of "gift" rude-ass.) EB once got a baby shower invite with the words: "Do not give clothes." Your rude-ass can return it after the shower.
  
  
• NO, you may not ask guests to address their own thank-you notes before they leave. (Taaaackyyyy!) (Ruuuuude!)
  
  
• NO, you may not ask attendees to bring refreshments as well as gifts.

The point of a shower is to "shower the recipient with gifts." People know this.

Yes, you can have a gift registry, but know that registries are guidelines and the guests are not obligated to buy solely off the registry. Enclose registry information on a separate piece of paper or card inside the invite. Let your guests buy what they will; exchange what you don't like or need, or sell it on Ebay. Or give it to a more-appreciative friend.

And if you're attending a shower...

• NO, you can't show up empty-handed. Taaaacckyyy!
  "Shower" = "Bring a gift. Some kind of gift. A bottle of Three-Buck-Chuck, for fuck's sake."
  
  
• NO, you can't show up drunk, or proceed to get drunk at the shower. Show a little grace.
  
  
• NO, you can't hide in the bathroom texting your best friend about how much you hate showers. Send a gift, don't attend if that's the case.

Got a shower horror story? Email me at etiquetteb [at] gmail [dot] com and share, please!

Bk 2 wrk - txtng @ dsk = bad

Yes, I know, you're just sending a quick message to T-Bone. And Sherri needs to know what color nail polish you're wearing to the cocktail party on Friday. Such matters are pressing, and the world will stop spinning if you don't respond within 30 seconds.

But employees of the world, put down those cell phones/Crackberries/Treos -- whatever you're texting on -- between 9 and 5 (or whatever your work hours are. This includes you, Walgreen's cashiers and Jewel Deli Workers).

My good friend Manager X related his story of the week: "I had to talk to two of my employees about their texting at work -- because whenever I passed their desks -- and I mean every time -- there they were--" [makes gesture of head bent over a crackberry, typing away with thumbs.]

"How'd they take it?" I asked.

"One was polite, and promised it won't happen again. The other said, 'But I-- It was just this once!!' and I reminded him that, no, it wasn't 'just this once.' He was upset, but I need him to do his job--not talk to his friends all day."

You're being paid to work, think, and solve problems. During the workday, your personal communication device needs to be stashed away. Text on your personal time -- at lunch, or if you step outside for a break. I promise you that T-Bone and Sherri can wait to hear from you, and the world will keep spinning.

Oh, and outside of work? No texting while driving, either. It's dangerous, and you're holding up the 3,000 people behind you. I've seen it.

A version of this article originally appeared in the Chicago Examiner.

Summer etiquette, part 3

If you're at the beach, and you play a game with a buddy (frisbee, volleyball without a net, that ping-pongy type game with paddles and a ball), make sure you're far, far away from other beach patrons.

Beach blanket dwellers everywhere thank you.