Click here: Wedding Etiquette -- Those damn bachelorette parties!

Hey folks: It's wedding season, and this is the perfect post for you bachelorettes out there. Today I'm turning the blog over to reader CS 'cause I couldn'ta said it better myself.

My take? Click the title above to hear my thoughts on the bachelorette-parties-at-gay-bars issue. Running time: 6 m 17 s


As a gay man who has had to endure countless bachelorette parties at my local watering hole, I would like to add some advice:

It is incredibly insensitive to celebrate your marriage with a few hundred men who are not allowed to get married. So, in short: don't do it.

If you must, here are some bachelorette-party-at-gay-bar rules:

1. Don't insist that gay men dance with you and then get upset when we refuse. If we wanted to dance with drunk women, we would go to a straight bar.
   
   
2. Don't insist that gay men kiss you and then get upset when we refuse. If we wanted to kiss drunk women, we would go to a straight bar.
   
   
3. Don't order time-consuming (and confusing) drinks and then leave a crappy tip. That is just rude! Similarly, don't order said drink and then stand in the service area and enjoy it. It is bad enough there's a long line behind you; you're now preventing the rest of us from ordering our beer.
   
   
4. Don't assume that because we're gay we find your penis hat/necklace/jewelry/whatever "cute" and want to put our lips on it.
   
   
5. If there are strippers or go-go dancers at the gay bar, don't try to dance with them and keep others away from the "goods."

--C.S.

Thanks, CS. Ladies, stay away from the gay bars. Trust me, it ain't your scene. (Yes, I realize you're keeping hubby secure by partying in a roomful of gay men all night. But it's still rude. Take a cue from The Hip Hop Hippie, and go watch some men dance for your pleasure instead. I'm married, and I'm hitting up Hollywood Men on my next LA trip. So you and your drunk friends can do similarly.)

If you're hosting a shower...

...for a bride or a mother-to-be, please print out this list of no-nos and make sure you don't commit any of these offenses.

• NO, you may not blatantly ask for specific gifts. Not even if you write a cutesy poem, not even if you have a "good" reason (whine: "but I already have everything I neeeeed...").
  
  
• NO, you may not ask for cash. Ever. Again, regardless of what you think, it's never a good idea. It's offensive. (Good graces = "it's not all about you.")
  
  
• NO, you may not dictate what gifts guests may or may not bring. (Look up the definition of "gift" rude-ass.) EB once got a baby shower invite with the words: "Do not give clothes." Your rude-ass can return it after the shower.
  
  
• NO, you may not ask guests to address their own thank-you notes before they leave. (Taaaackyyyy!) (Ruuuuude!)
  
  
• NO, you may not ask attendees to bring refreshments as well as gifts.

The point of a shower is to "shower the recipient with gifts." People know this.

Yes, you can have a gift registry, but know that registries are guidelines and the guests are not obligated to buy solely off the registry. Enclose registry information on a separate piece of paper or card inside the invite. Let your guests buy what they will; exchange what you don't like or need, or sell it on Ebay. Or give it to a more-appreciative friend.

And if you're attending a shower...

• NO, you can't show up empty-handed. Taaaacckyyy!
  "Shower" = "Bring a gift. Some kind of gift. A bottle of Three-Buck-Chuck, for fuck's sake."
  
  
• NO, you can't show up drunk, or proceed to get drunk at the shower. Show a little grace.
  
  
• NO, you can't hide in the bathroom texting your best friend about how much you hate showers. Send a gift, don't attend if that's the case.

Got a shower horror story? Email me at etiquetteb [at] gmail [dot] com and share, please!