When the guest gets wasted (and pukes)

Hey Etiquette Bitch,

I’ve been absolutely beside myself about a situation that happened in my home a few days ago.

My husband’s nephew and his girlfriend (both supposedly responsible, 22-yr old university students) invited themselves to stay overnight as they were driving through our city. We made dinner, I set the formal dining room table for our family of 5 and our 2 guests. Apparently my husband was over-pouring the wine and I wasn’t paying enough attention, because after dinner the girlfriend proceeded to vomit all over my dining room table and brand new rug.

I was absolutely horrified!

She apologized, retreated to our guest room for the night, and we cleaned the mess up. (I’ll give the nephew some credit – he did help clean up). It was disgusting and I am still in a state of shock about it.

My question is, how does one properly respond to an apology for a totally egregious incident? I said “it’s alright”, but really, it is NOT alright! I feel like I want to burn my beautiful dining room table and new rug. And every time I serve dinner in my dining room in the future I will remember this incident. It’s like she has ruined my dining room which I put so much effort and expense into decorating 2 years ago. What would you have said?

Should try to follow up, or just try my best to forget it ever happened? The next morning she made a lame attempt at an excuse, saying she hadn’t been feeling well for a few days. I didn’t call her on it, but maybe I should have, because then they sat around drinking coffee and chatting for a few hours as if nothing had happened, so obviously my “it’s alright” response made her feel that I bought her excuse and everything was A-OK. (Personally, I would have been so ashamed of myself I would have written a profuse apology and bolted in the middle of the night.)

The nephew’s parents (my husband’s sister, with whom I do not get along with) have invited themselves to our house to stay next weekend. Should this be our dirty little secret or do we let them know what happened during their son’s recent visit? Yes, they are adults legally, and should be responsible for their own actions, but they are students living at home and I assume are still partially supported by their parents. If my 20-yr old son or his girlfriend did something like this I would certainly want to know about it so I could sit them down for a serious talk about unacceptable behavior, consequences and attempting to mitigate the damage.

Thank you in advance for your sage advice.

S.

What do I tell S? Click the title to find out. Running time: 7 m 30 s.

Make it a drinking game: take a chug every time I say "mad props." :) (Yes, my hipness stopped around 1996.)

Got an etiquette dilemma of your own? Email me: etiquetteb [at] gmail [dot] com

Mad props to the polite

Okay, here we go. I had to try really hard this week, but here's what I got:

• A nice threesome of diners leaving a waitress a 20% tip.
• People holding the elevator for one another.
• Drivers who were let into traffic who actually raised a polite hand and said, "Thanks!"
  

Thank you, polite people! You make all the noisy, inconsiderate jerk-offs in this world not matter so much.

Mad props to the polite

Labor Day Weekend! Ah, just when I thought, like most holiday weekends in Chicago, I could get parking anywhere, I was proven wrong. The world descended upon Chicago this weekend (blame either Oprah or the Red Sox-White Sox showdown). Even tiny parks on the far north side were teeming with humans.

And that's a good thing. I'm happy to report that this week was filled with good manners (save for the idiot on his cell phone who nearly ran me over yesterday. But no bitching on Sunday!).

On display in Chicago this past week:

• People holding elevator doors open for strangers.
  
• A mom teaching her young son good behavior on the bus.
  
• A child saying, "I'm sorry," repeatedly to the adult who was hit by the child's errant football.
  
• Adult graciously accepting the kid's apology.
  
• In crowded areas: stores, malls, escalators, Jazz Fest* - no one was pushing or shoving!
  
• Anyone who needed to get by this bitch said, "Excuse me."

Thank you, polite people! You make crazy holiday weekends nicer for everyone. We appreciate you.


* If you're in the area, and haven't already, I highly recommend getting down to Jazz Fest - even just for a bit - today, the last day. Grab some food, sit on some nearby grass and listen to some jazzy tunes. It's truly a gem.

Mad props to the polite

The two best things I saw this week:

• Drivers allowing others into traffic, and
• The ones who were let in giving a "thank you" sign to the other driver.

In case you're wondering, the universal sign for "thank you" when driving is a raised hand, perhaps a tiny wave, all five digits up. When someone does you a kindness in traffic, raise your hand and say "thanks."

And if you see another driver struggling to get in, make a difficult turn, etc., just stop for a moment and let her or him in.

You'll be rewarded by the traffic gods.

Thank you, polite people! You make traffic not-so-horrid.

Mad props to the polite

This week was pretty mellow, meaning that people all around were behaving pretty nicely, which is as it should be. Let's hope this nice trend continues. (Of course, if everyone is nice and polite, what the eff will I write about?)

Some good things I saw this week:

• People saying "Excuse me," to strangers on a crowded sidewalk when they needed to pass.
  
• One mother and child moving out of the way at a shoe store so a stranger could see the display.
  
• A yoga teacher staying after class (20 minutes) to help a student.
  

These are all just little nice things, but they make our world nicer. Thank you, kind folks!

Mad props to the polite

Forgive my day-lateness; etiquette buffs need a vacation, too!

Okay, here we go, good stuff I saw in the last week:

• A woman on the airplane actually picking up her trash around her seat.
  
• A young man holding a restaurant door open for two elderly, not-so-healthy folks. The elder gentleman walked with a cane; his female companion, lugging her oxygen tank, joked with the door-holder: "I need a prod for him" and made poking gestures.
  
• A large family (6 of them? 10 of them?) bringing beer, sodas, chips, and watermelon to the hotel pool -- and cleaning up after themselves and throwing everything away.*
• Matriarch of same family above offering snacks to everyone (ie, nearby strangers) at the pool.
• Same family: all the adults teaching the children good manners in public, including: not running, saying "please," "excuse me," and "thank you."

Thank you, polite people! You make the world -- and traveling -- much nicer.

*I find this one so wonderful because, for whatever reason, the darling people who live in my neighborhood think it's okay to leave their trash curbside and hope that someone -- like my cash-strapped city -- will clean it up for them. The street looks nothing like the guest suite at the Hilton, at least to my eyes.

Sneezles

A recent Miss Manners column caught my eye, and made me realize most of us are not taught what to do when we need to sneeze in public.

Miss Manners says to carry a handkerchief (cloth) all the time, and sneeze into it.

I'm of the disposable age, so I'll say keep a Kleenex tucked inside your purse or pocket.

When with others, especially at the dinner table (or any meal, for that matter), do not do the following when you sneeze:

• Just let it out and let germs and moisture fly every which way.
• Pull your shirt away from you, tuck chin to chest, and sneeze into your clothing.
• Sneeze into your hand, finish with an, "Ahhhh...." and then wipe your hand on your pants.

A sneeze into a kerchief or Kleenex is acceptable, as long as you are quick, quiet, and discreet. Need a moment to blow? Excuse yourself and head to the bathroom to clear your sinuses.

And then wash your germ-covered hands before returning to the table.

Mad props to the polite

Is there a good-manners vibe rippling through the universe, or at least through the Midwest?I am most grateful!

For the second time inside a month, I went to a movie (8 p.m. on a Saturday, "Julie and Julia," every single seat taken) and -- gasp -- cell phone silence!

I was about 5 rows from the front of the screen, so I can't say with certainty that the movie was completely free of ignoramuses who texted or pressed a button on their phones, thus emitting 1,000 lumens to annoy their neighbors.

But it was a (mostly) quiet audience, and I enjoyed the movie without someone else's running commentary or verbal predictions.

And, apparently, I had an etiquette lover sitting to my right. My friend/date-for-the-evening was sitting to my left. At the start of the movie, my friend leaned over and made some comment to me, full-voice.

Guy to my right announces, full-voice: "If we could not talk during the movie, that would be great."

It was all I could do to not say to him, "HEY! That's my job!"

My friend was quiet and respectful for the duration of the movie.

Thanks, polite and quiet people. You make movies enjoyable, and the world a better place.

Mad props to the polite

Good behavior witnessed this week:

• Lots of "please"s and "thank yous."
  
• Drivers not talking on their cell phones, letting others into traffic in one-lane construction zones.
  
• An entire family reunion crowd waiting patiently and taking their turns at the buffet table.
  
• Kids of all ages saying, "Nice to meet you," upon meeting someone for the first time.
  

Polite people, you make the world a nicer place.

Summer etiquette, part 3

If you're at the beach, and you play a game with a buddy (frisbee, volleyball without a net, that ping-pongy type game with paddles and a ball), make sure you're far, far away from other beach patrons.

Beach blanket dwellers everywhere thank you.

Mad props to the polite

I don't know what it was about this holiday weekend, but I do have a theory that all the Rude Asses were sequestered at the fireworks or out of town for the weekend.

Excellent, lovely, wonderful, puts-a-smile-on-my-face good manners I saw this weekend:

• Not one person talked, ate noisy food, texted or took or made a phone call at the 7:30 showing of "Away We Go." Best movie audience ever!*
  
  
• Thirty-something guy walks into cafe. His cell phone rings. He turns, walks out, and takes the call outside!!!! (Thank you, nice patron at Coffee Studio!)
  
  
• Obviously-exhausted mom takes her fussing, freaking-out toddler out of Panera when he can't stop crying at the table. She led him into the foyer to cry it out before they went back in. I smiled at her on my way out. Thank you, polite mom!

Y'all make society a nicer place to be. I hope you had a wonderful holiday weekend!


*The movie was also superb. You must go see it. Funny and touching.