Friday, July 10, 2009

If you're hosting a shower...

...for a bride or a mother-to-be, please print out this list of no-nos and make sure you don't commit any of these offenses.

  • NO, you may not blatantly ask for specific gifts. Not even if you write a cutesy poem, not even if you have a "good" reason (whine: "but I already have everything I neeeeed...").

  • NO, you may not ask for cash. Ever. Again, regardless of what you think, it's never a good idea. It's offensive. (Good graces = "it's not all about you.")

  • NO, you may not dictate what gifts guests may or may not bring. (Look up the definition of "gift" rude-ass.) EB once got a baby shower invite with the words: "Do not give clothes." Your rude-ass can return it after the shower.

  • NO, you may not ask guests to address their own thank-you notes before they leave. (Taaaackyyyy!) (Ruuuuude!)

  • NO, you may not ask attendees to bring refreshments as well as gifts.
The point of a shower is to "shower the recipient with gifts." People know this.

Yes, you can have a gift registry, but know that registries are guidelines and the guests are not obligated to buy solely off the registry. Enclose registry information on a separate piece of paper or card inside the invite. Let your guests buy what they will; exchange what you don't like or need, or sell it on Ebay. Or give it to a more-appreciative friend.

And if you're attending a shower...

  • NO, you can't show up empty-handed. Taaaacckyyy!
    "Shower" = "Bring a gift. Some kind of gift. A bottle of Three-Buck-Chuck, for fuck's sake."

  • NO, you can't show up drunk, or proceed to get drunk at the shower. Show a little grace.

  • NO, you can't hide in the bathroom texting your best friend about how much you hate showers. Send a gift, don't attend if that's the case.

Got a shower horror story? Email me at etiquetteb [at] gmail [dot] com and share, please!