Wedding RSVPs for the Guests - If you say "yes," show the eff up.

This weekend I was torn -- do I go to the out-of-state wedding I RSVP'ed to two years ago, or do I stay home and deal with my leaky roof (courtesy of Ike)?

Well, I sucked it up and went to the wedding. It was my past experience, and love of good graces, that propelled me to attend.

When you respond "yes," to a wedding invitation, barring death or disease, the only right and good thing to to is to attend. The bride and groom, or their family(ies) have laid out money and paid handsomely for your food and liquor up front. If you don't show, well, yeah, they're stuck with extra food that they won't ever see, but more importantly, it's rude.

If something super major does prevent you from attending, for Pete's sake, call the bride or groom, or a friend who can get the message through, and apologize profusely, and explain what is keeping you from celebrating their joy. And then follow up with a hand written apologetic note (not an email), preferably in the form of a nice card or wedding card, and include a cash gift. It's the right thing to do.

Do not do what (yet another) one of my rude guests did: A young man named "Kyle" was invited to our shindig. He responded that, yes, he and his SO would be attending. Great! As the cocktail hour drew to a close, no sign of Kyle and his SO; their place card sat untouched. No phone messages came in from Kyle; we worried that perhaps he'd had an accident, or perhaps crossed paths with the aforementioned death and disease.

Days after the reception, still no word from our acquaintance. My spouse emailed the young man to make sure everything was all right. His reply came back, "We went to the mall, spent the whole day shopping and had so much fun! We were just too tired to drive to your reception."

That was it. No "I'm sorry," no "oops" -- nothing. Not even a card -- empty or filled with cash.

Notice I called this guy an "acquaintance" -- he surely is no longer our friend.

The More (Not Always) the Merrier

When an invitation is extended to you -- no matter how casual or formal the event -- the invitation is only for those to whom it was addressed.

It is impolite to ask, "Can I bring [name of additional guest here]?"

If you are indeed wondering if you can bring your charming friend, mother, dog, etc., word it something like this:

"We'd love to come, but my mother will be visiting that Saturday. "

"Your party sounds great, but we've got Jack and Jill visiting from Europe."

Then be quiet and see what the host says.

This guideline applies across the board for all types of parties -- including weddings. If your children were not invited, do not bring them. If your significant other was not on the invite, it means she/he was not invited. Note that these exclusions, 90% of the time, are not personal.

You can not and should not know a host's reason for limiting invitees. It may be monetary, there may be a certain group dynamic going on, she may need exactly 10 for her Human Rope activity, or perhaps a surprise intervention is planned.

Asking to bring extra guests puts the host in an awkward position: she has to find a way to tell you "no" without pissing you off and creating extra tension when you (hopefully) do show up at her shindig. She's afraid of alienating you, but also wants to keep her party dynamics the way she planned.

And never, ever, ever ask if you can bring your pets. This creates the same awkward situation, and adds one more responsibility to the host's plate. Yes, I know your pooch is a little darling who won't disturb a soul. That's not the reality, and it's not your house.

It is okay to bring along others is if the party notice arrived via eVite, and the "invite other people" feature is turned on, or if the host (or invitation) specifically said, "guests/dates/children, etc. welcome."

Host's house=host's rules. Respect them. If it's too much for you attend without your mom/out-of-town friend/significant other/cat/landlord, etc., then don't attend.