Mind your manners tonight - New Year's Eve

No doubt, plenty of you will be socializing tonight, either at a bar, at a party, or taking in a movie and popcorn.

And no doubt, someone else (not you) will say something incorrect or just plain wrong. Heck, they may even commit a tiny social faux-pas, such as ordering a drink from a different waiter.

Your urge will be to correct them, either by explaining they have their facts wrong ("The 'h' in 'Thames' is silent") or that they broke a social taboo ("You don't order drinks from another waiter.").

Resist this urge. It's impolite to correct someone in public. If this is your mate/partner/significant other/sister/brother/mom/dad/you see where I'm going with this -- you may correct them privately, after the festivities. But do it in a lighthearted, loving way.

When is it okay to correct someone in public? If they're drunk, and insist on driving home. The right response is, "No, you're not, and I'm calling you a cab."

Have a fun, safe, polite New Year's Eve, everyone!

Cheers, and I'll see you in 2010.

When the gift is a duplicate

So you open the shiny wrapping paper to reveal...the Rufus Wainwright CD that you already have. (Yes, I know, everyone's downloading music these days, and even The Most Evil Retailer shrunk its music space...bear with me for the sake of a story.)

Don't be a jerk -- now or any other time of the year. "I already have this," while true, is not the correct response.

Pick your poison -- say/do one or more of the following:

• "Oh how nice! I love [name thing you already own]."
• Keep it. One for the house, one for the summer house.
  
• Donate it. Toys for Tots, Amvets or Howard Brown can certainly make good use of it.
  
• Still in its original packaging? Perhaps you can exchange it for some other crap at some large retailer who's especially liberal with exchanges this time of year.

And always, always, follow up with a thank-you note. Not a text. No twitter. No email. No quick, verbal. A hand-written note.

After some time has passed, don't confess, "Oh, I already had that Rufus Wainwright CD. I exchanged it for Animal Collective." Keep mum.

Merry Christmas.

Overheard at the ATM today

[woman in work uniform @ ATM on her cell phone:]

"Do you have to be outside? Call me back. I can't hear you with all that noise around you, it's irritating me. Well it is! Call me back! Bye." [hangs up.]

Ah, my smile for the day. Nothing like a little manners smack-down.

Have we learned nothing from Joe Wilson?

Sigh.

There it was again last night, bad manners displayed in full force, onstage at Radio City Music Hall.

The most childish, immature rapper in the world had to go and interrupt Taylor Swift, who was accepting what was rightfully hers.

We wonder would he have done this were it not a woman onstage. Would the most childish, immature rapper in the universe dare if it were Kid Rock or Eminem or Jay-Z up there? My money's on "not."

I'm happy to say Beyonce demonstrated true class, and gave Taylor Swift her moment. For that, she gets a mad props.

In the meantime, if you have kids, or if you're a teacher, let's use this as a teaching moment.

Unless the speaker is causing harm, it's never okay to interrupt someone's speech with a tirade.

Mad props to the polite

Okay, here we go. I had to try really hard this week, but here's what I got:

• A nice threesome of diners leaving a waitress a 20% tip.
• People holding the elevator for one another.
• Drivers who were let into traffic who actually raised a polite hand and said, "Thanks!"
  

Thank you, polite people! You make all the noisy, inconsiderate jerk-offs in this world not matter so much.

Why I hate "people-of-cheap-store"

In case you haven't heard, there's this blog. It makes fun of, shall we say, not-so-attractive people (and cars) at the world's largest discounter.

First off, I don't know why big discounter (who, no, I don't like, either) isn't suing. I've studied photography, and the legalities of it, and to go into a business and photograph the property and anything in/on it is, technically, illegal.

And, no, I'm not above poking fun at WT myself. Ages ago, upon moving from Oh-So-Sophisticated San Francisco to Middle-America Indiana, I was appalled at the lack of class (and amount of girth) displayed at my local department store.

But I didn't broadcast it to the world.

And here's the thing: yes, those folks on that insulting blog may not be as attractive as your average ex-frat boy on the train, heading to his workaday 9 to 5 job. And, no, I probably wouldn't care to have a coffee with any of them, either.

But they're still people. And while those photographed might make some unfortunate hair or fashion choices, they are still people with feelings.

I've never had a taste for anything that intentionally aims to be mean-spirited. For that matter, I've long had a distaste for anything that, after 2 minutes, is boring.

And the blog to which I refer definitely falls into that category. Given the media-addicted public's fickle and ever-changing taste, I can only hope that those being insulted won't be much longer.

Mind your manners at a party

Is it the relaxed, oft-casual nature of parties that brings out the jackass in some people?

Last night, while enjoying myself and my martini at a cocktail party for (supposedly) professionals, I watched as one guest told another that the company she worked for is, indeed, "The Devil" and that they're "screwing her" by "paying her a pittance."

I know for a fact that the female guest is incredibly proud of what she does, and wasn't terribly happy to hear her work denigrated.

On another occasion, I attended an apartment party held on one of those sweltering, 90-plus degree Chicago nights. (This party was not held this year, our coldest summer, since, what, 1922?) This was in a vintage apartment, and in case you're not a Windy Citizen, vintage = no air conditioning.

The host was running her tiny window A/C unit full force, trying to keep everyone cool and happy. The salsa, despite being nestled in a bucket of ice, was melting into tomato soup. One guest, upon sampling the "soup" turned around and told the host, "You might want to consider keeping your food a little fresher."

And while the host was civil to rude offender after that, she no longer socialized with him.

When attending a party, you don't have to be all Pollyanna and agree with everyone's opinions; nor should you kiss everyone's butt. But a little respect and consideration is in order.

And if you're on the receiving end of a jackass, keep in mind that just because someone else is classless, doesn't mean you need to go there with him/her. Just smile, walk away, grab another martini, and make a mental note to check the jackass off your future guest lists.

Manners during a presentation

Last night Joe Wilson delivered the Heckle Heard 'Round the World.

Not cool. I'm not saying this as a political statement or support of any political party. I'm saying this as someone who has to present and listen a lot.

When you're attending a speech, whether you agree or not, keep shtum.

If there's a Q+A portion, save your comments and questions for then. Upset about something? Take it off-line with the speaker.

related: Clarence Page discusses Congressional Etiquette (or lack thereof).

Just in case we get our last heat wave...

...here are some things you need to know before you make that last beach visit, courtesy of the blog Gropius vs. Eddie. Chicago Tribune columnist Eric Zorn has written about how summer doesn't end until later, anyway, so this is good advice. Clip and re-read next year if need be.

note: I know not all of my readers are in whale-land, but, you know, just in case you come across any wildlife for that matter, stay the eff away!

A Little Beach Etiquette

Here's what is totally NOT cool on the beach...

1. Pulling your obnoxious boat so close to the beach that you nearly run over 3 swimming children, then turning your music up so loud that you're probably disturbing the same whales affected by the Navy's sonar.
   
2. Okay, let me back up. ANY music on the beach is pretty annoying if others can hear it. I know you may debate me on this point, but what if I don't like your crappy tunes? Soooo inconsiderate.
   
3. Taking your drinks in the water and burying the cans in the sand instead of throwing them away. Continue reading...
   

I feel like good manners are common sense. If you're doing something that is disturbing others or causing harm, for the love of Pete, STOP IT.

Thank you, Gropius! The soul of good manners is in your last sentence.

Politcs and facebook

A reader writes:

"What are your thoughts are on politics and Facebook? The health-care political debate has people talking politics now more than ever ...Recently one friend noted 'X doesn't log into Facebook to read political rants.' Now, same person also has shared the size and scope of his daily constitutional before (a topic about which I never log in to read), but it did bring up a question for me. Is it cool to write about political topics on Facebook?

For me, so long as it's civil, politics are certainly something one can discuss amongst friends and given the technological capability to ignore updates from people in FB, I don't see the harm. Am I off-base here?"

Just so I'm clear, your friend talks about the size and scope of his daily walks? Or were you euphemizing something else?

You bring up an excellent question. What does etiquette have to do with facebook? Well, everything. And those who post online (anywhere) need to be mindful of a) the message they are posting, b) who might see it, and, c) how it might be perceived -- or how it might affect the poster.

Certainly, everyone's entitled to his or her opinion. But there's a difference between, "Go Candidate Q!" (showing support) and, "[Name of political 'party' throwers] can suck it!" (insulting).

You are correct, that given the features of facebook, we can just click "ignore" on anyone's feeds, so if your friend X doesn't want to read political rants, s/he can use that feature.

But, but, but...there's that whole perception problem. What if you just want to express a civil thought about your preferred candidate/piece of legislation/health care reform? Go ahead, but know that it might be seen by others who hold sway over you...and who might be offended, innocent as your post is.

No, you're not off-base, but I can't help but wonder if political discussions aren't best held in person, over a bottle of Pinot with a plate of cheese and fruit. Or, hell, over beer and pizza.

So here's my bottom line on politics and facebook: tread lightly. When in doubt, don't.