When the gift is a duplicate

So you open the shiny wrapping paper to reveal...the Rufus Wainwright CD that you already have. (Yes, I know, everyone's downloading music these days, and even The Most Evil Retailer shrunk its music space...bear with me for the sake of a story.)

Don't be a jerk -- now or any other time of the year. "I already have this," while true, is not the correct response.

Pick your poison -- say/do one or more of the following:

• "Oh how nice! I love [name thing you already own]."
• Keep it. One for the house, one for the summer house.
  
• Donate it. Toys for Tots, Amvets or Howard Brown can certainly make good use of it.
  
• Still in its original packaging? Perhaps you can exchange it for some other crap at some large retailer who's especially liberal with exchanges this time of year.

And always, always, follow up with a thank-you note. Not a text. No twitter. No email. No quick, verbal. A hand-written note.

After some time has passed, don't confess, "Oh, I already had that Rufus Wainwright CD. I exchanged it for Animal Collective." Keep mum.

Merry Christmas.

Not an Etiquette Book Among 'Em....

Today, no etiquette bitching.


Just a personal request, as the holidays are upon us: Buy books this year for gifts. They're less bulky than, say, a sweater; will travel well if you're flying for the holidays; and, as our president-elect says, it's good to "turn off the TV and read with your kids."

I urge you to, ideally, purchase books from your local independent bookseller. "Because a scented candle never changed anyone's life," as indiebound says.

But no matter how you buy books, just get out there and buy some new books.

Some ideas and resources below for you:

The New York Times' 100 Notable Books of 2008

Find your nearest independent bookseller at indiebound.org

My favorite reads:

Amy Sedaris' I Like You...Hospitality Under the Influence

David Foster Wallace's Consider the Lobster and A Supposedly Fun Thing That I'll Never Do Again

Michael Pollan's The Omnivore's Dilemma