You can't play on my swingset...without permission

This week we re-visit gym etiquette (hint: wait your fucking turn) and using other people's property without permission (hint: fucking ask first).


Above is a damn-near replica of the swing set my friend caught strangers using. Strangers who, for whatever idiotic reason, thought they could use without permission.

Click below to listen. Running time: 7 m 30 s

At the gym

Sigh. It's that most frustrating time of year again -- the time when all the "New Years Resolutioners" come out of the woodwork and clog up the gyms.

But I'm not so sure it's the Resolutioners I have a beef with. It's any rude person at the gym.

Do you attend a gym or health club? If so, please read below. Yes, this is for you.

Good guidelines for the gym

• Does your health club provide towel service? Yes? Please use one.
  
  
• If you are naked in the locker room and must sit down, put one of those effing towels down FIRST before placing your naked ass on the seat. Your rump-hole is filled with bacteria, and I'm sure most of us would rather not encounter yours.
  
  
• Do not enter any workout class late. Ever. Yes, real life happens, but late arrivals disrupt the class and cause a distraction. Yes, I know you really wanted to attend Yoga for Rudeasses, but walking in late -- even five minutes late-- is a massive disruption. Don't. Just walk your big ass over to a treadmill or the elliptical, and spend the next hour there. Those of us in deep meditation thank you.
  
  
• Besides, you should be arriving early for class to change your shoes, warm up, etcetera.
  
  
• Leave your fucking cell phone in a locker. Nothing's more annoying than someone yapping about his job while you're trying to get some fitness in. Not to mention: talk on your cell while exercising, and you've just killed the effectiveness of what little exercise you're getting.
  
  
• Taking yoga? Shut the fuck up. It escapes me why two people -- men and women alike -- find the need to set up for yoga, and then sit on their mats and talk until class starts. Look around at the start of a yoga class -- people are breathing, meditating, centering themselves. You're wrecking that, Mr. or Ms. Talker. Now shut up and breathe.

I fully expect to see good behavior in action at my gym from now on. If I can actually attend a class without some rude-ass entering late (and the teacher allowing it), I'll know y'all listened.