On being human, and shutting up

Two things to think about, and one announcement.

1. Don't make others feel bad about their choices. This means keep your running commentary to yourself. It's okay to have an opinion; when you do it in a way that makes others feel bad, you're an ass.
   
   Example: An "artist" who hasn't picked up a paintbrush in 10 years attends an art opening. "Why are these people wasting their time? They should just give up," he says to a friend of the artists. Same guy goes to visit a friend with a new home in a "changing" neighborhood. "Why did you move? I liked your old neighborhood better."
   
   Any seasoned armchair psychologist will tell you this guy is just projecting his feelings about himself. Doesn't make his statements any less rude.
   
   
2. Understand that others are human. The other side of etiquette is letting small slights slide. Notice I said "small." The jerk who cuts you off in traffic. The customer who snaps at you, unprovoked. The arrogant snootypants at the gym who swipes the three towels you were about to take.
   
   There's grace in letting these things go. We're human, we all have bad days, none of us are perfect. I've been an asshole in traffic, plenty. I've line-jumped in front of people I shouldn'ta. We all do. Especially when we're having a bad day. [WARNING: Sexist comment forthcoming:] Us ladies can be especially nasty, snippy, and unforgiving on some nasty hormonal days.
   
   Be a little kinder than you need to be today. Someone else will be nice to you on your shitty days.
   

Have a good weekend, folks. And be nice out there.

News: I'm speaking at Podcasters Across Borders 2010 in June! Check it out...podcasters and non-podcasters of all stripes are welcome. PAB 2010 promises to be fun, educational and inspirational. PAB is full of success stories.

Bathroom Number 2: The Urinal

Guys: do you know what not to do when you use a urinal? Oh, no you don't.

Today's podcast features my friend Sanford who educates us on Four things you should never do in the men's room. How does he know? Personal experience.



Click "play" above to listen. Running time: 6 m 30 s.



Enjoy this educational video, courtesy of babelgum:



And just in case you missed it...Bathroom Number 1.

You can't play on my swingset...without permission

This week we re-visit gym etiquette (hint: wait your fucking turn) and using other people's property without permission (hint: fucking ask first).


Above is a damn-near replica of the swing set my friend caught strangers using. Strangers who, for whatever idiotic reason, thought they could use without permission.

Click below to listen. Running time: 7 m 30 s

Bitchin' about Easter weekend

Visiting a house of worship this weekend? Behave. Don't know how to behave? Ask someone. I'm especially talking to you, you C&Es. And if you do something unusual? Like breastfeed? Yeah, people are gonna stare. Get over it or go to the mother's room.



Click "play" above to listen.
Running time: ~ 4m 30s

Special shout out to The Hollywood Podcast. (Who always behaves.)

10 Etiquette Tips For Today

Originally posted on Chicagonow.com:

1. Chew gum, loudly and with your mouth open, during all conversations.
2. Leave your cell phone ringer turned on to its highest volume, and let the noise fly today! Even better if your ringtone is an obnoxious, tinny-sounding dowloaded song. Everyone loves a crappy-quality version of "Tipsy."
3. Answer that call -- but only after you've thoroughly annoyed everyone within earshot by letting it go that long -- and speak loudly. Be sure to include ... continue reading
   

Bitchin' on Outside the Loop

Check it out: Available in perpetuity -- my interview with Mike Stephen @ Outside the Loop Radio.

Random Etiquette Lessons

1. Apologize when you fuck up. Then make it good.
   
   I forgot to call my editor this week. It took me two days to realize it. I was at the gym, ready to hit my Hip Hop Fitness class, when it dawned on me: "I didn't call Tracy." Duh. I sent an apologetic and self-flagellating email. I haven't heard back from her. I'm a bad Etiquette Bitch.
   
   
2. When online, stop behaving like second graders.
   
   I absolutely love snickering at the overshares and annoying FB posters on those popular sites that publicly humiliate the virtual-world blabbermouths and oversharers. What I don't love about a certain site, however, is that they are now offering to send an anonymous email, on your behalf, to your "friends" telling them that they are annoying.
   
   CONFIDENTIAL TO THE YOUR STATUS IS ANNOYING GUY: ANONYMOUS EMAILS ARE IMMATURE, RUDE, THOUGHTLESS, AND INCONSIDERATE. OH YEAH, AND THEY'RE STRAIGHT OUT OF EIGHTH GRADE! GROW THE FUCK UP. MAKE FUN ALL YOU WANT. STOP THE 'ANONYMOUS' EMAILS, PLEASE.
   
   
   
   
   Think about it for a minute, geniuses: How would you feel if you got an anonymous note telling you something negative about yourself? EB says, if someone thinks so little of you to have a website send you an anonymous, insulting email...is that person really your "friend?" I say, "unfriend."
   
   
3. Second graders, part 2: curb those immature impulses in the real world, too.
   
   I was appalled -- but really, I guess not that surprised -- that in swapping What-Happened-When-I-Quit-My-Job stories with a colleague, we had the same appalling, no-way-would-this-fly-in-business-etiquette-class experience: We both gave our respective quitting notices to our small-business-owning bosses, who respectively proceeded to read us the riot act, tell us how "awful" we were and then show us the door.
   
   The irony/rub/chuckle in all of this? Both of us had a similar experience years later when the old boss wanted to be friends and reconnect.
   
   Lesson: No need to bad mouth anyone -- in any way -- at work. Trust me, it will bite you in the ass. My ex-boss? I've cost him a lot of business. I went on to work with bigger fish who asked about working with him. My answer was always, "Don't do it."
   

Be mindful with that big mouth, preggo.

Maybe it's all the pregnant bellies I see waddling my way at Target lately, but I've got pregnant women on the brain.

And I don't know which is more annoying -- a Bridezilla who won't shut up about her pending nuptials, or a Preggo who won't shut up about her pending child.

Yes, I know it's momentous, a gift, a blessing, everyone's supposed to want one, blah blah blah... but I think there's something that the yappers are overlooking.


You might be inadvertently offending someone. I'm not just talking about us soulless, demon-like people who -- gasp -- have no spawn of our own.

I'm talking about people who've tried and failed to conceive -- or tried and lost -- their own child.

I know more people who've lost potential children then actually have had them. Each parent who's experienced a loss has shared with me how painful it was to have to endure the coworker who posted fresh sonogram photos daily, or the bookclub buddy who spent all three book club hours talking about her kicks and tummy pains and gas.

This isn't like me bragging about my weekend in Europe and you've never gone to Europe. This is like me bragging about a real, massive, physical and emotional thing that means THE WORLD to you: "I've got one and you don't."

Know that when you're getting your big WORLD-sized thing, someone else -- within earshot -- might've lost theirs. They're grieving. And it's painful.

Dial it back a notch, please. Give it a rest once in awhile. Besides, your Eco-Bamboo-Organic-Green Baby Rocker, like your gas, isn't nearly as interesting as you think it is.



Image courtesy of WILPF.

The Housing Crisis

It seems there's a rash of renters running around bragging about how glad they are that they didn't buy anything before this godawful swamp of housing crap showed up. Yeah? Shut the fuck up.

Lesson: Don't make others feel bad about their choices. That could be you one day, you know.





Click "play" above to hear about how a wine seller blatantly made me feel like shit.

Running time: 6 m 30 s.

No talking on the toilet

"We all know people who take the toilet into the bathroom."

What I meant to say was, "...take their cell phones into the bathroom." I was a little spun up. It's been that kind of a day. Let's show some respect for those around us and not talk when it's time to pee.
Click "play" above to listen. Running time: 6 m 6 s.