Etiquette Podcast: Leave the preggos alone. Really.

Yes, I know a baby is a joyous occasion and blah blah blah. But consider that some stranger, especially a stranger who's about to pop out a kid, doesn't necessarily want to hear your comments, your praise, or your unsolicited advice.

Click the title to listen. Running time: 7 m 25 s.

Be mindful with that big mouth, preggo.

Maybe it's all the pregnant bellies I see waddling my way at Target lately, but I've got pregnant women on the brain.

And I don't know which is more annoying -- a Bridezilla who won't shut up about her pending nuptials, or a Preggo who won't shut up about her pending child.

Yes, I know it's momentous, a gift, a blessing, everyone's supposed to want one, blah blah blah... but I think there's something that the yappers are overlooking.


You might be inadvertently offending someone. I'm not just talking about us soulless, demon-like people who -- gasp -- have no spawn of our own.

I'm talking about people who've tried and failed to conceive -- or tried and lost -- their own child.

I know more people who've lost potential children then actually have had them. Each parent who's experienced a loss has shared with me how painful it was to have to endure the coworker who posted fresh sonogram photos daily, or the bookclub buddy who spent all three book club hours talking about her kicks and tummy pains and gas.

This isn't like me bragging about my weekend in Europe and you've never gone to Europe. This is like me bragging about a real, massive, physical and emotional thing that means THE WORLD to you: "I've got one and you don't."

Know that when you're getting your big WORLD-sized thing, someone else -- within earshot -- might've lost theirs. They're grieving. And it's painful.

Dial it back a notch, please. Give it a rest once in awhile. Besides, your Eco-Bamboo-Organic-Green Baby Rocker, like your gas, isn't nearly as interesting as you think it is.



Image courtesy of WILPF.

No touching part 2

If you missed the comments in last week's post, there's another type of stranger you are never allowed to touch: pregnant women.

Would you walk up to a random guy in public and touch his crotch? (I'm asking everyone except the drunken sorority girls and bachelorette parties.) How about a skinny woman and touch her belly, boobs, or ass? Not acceptable, right?

Putting your hands on a pregnant woman's belly (doubly offensive if she's not pregnant and you think she is) is never okay.

And here are the bullshit responses I've heard:

1. "But there's a baby in there!"

So? Why not go to the maternity ward at your local hospital and press your face and hands up against the nursery glass. There's babies in there! That won't make you look like a psycho.

2. "You know, in some cultures, it's considered good luck to rub a pregnant woman's belly."

Yeah, well, this is America and that one somehow never made it into our culture. We have this thing called personal space, and we'll thank y'all to respect it. If you need to find a belly to rub for luck, go to your nearest funky home furnishings store, buy a statue of Buddha, and rub away.

Even with pregnant friends and relatives, ask first before touching.

Butt out on other people's appearance

Today's "Dear Abby" column revisits a letter about a woman who, as a child, was called "fat" by a friend's father.

Here's the rule, people: Shut the eff up about other people's appearance -- fat, skinny, pregnant, or other.

It's none of your business. And your comments -- no matter how you frame them ("helpful" or "complimentary") -- are just rude, insensitive, and sometimes hurtful.

Never tell an overweight person he or she is overweight, or "could stand to lose a few." They already know this. If they aren't seeking help, it's their own responsibility.

The opposite is also true: don't ever remark on someone's thinness. Yes, I realize that society holds women up to an impossible, ridiculous standard (I personally think Angelina Jolie and Sarah Jessica Parker are 2 of the ugliest women to roam this earth). But your "compliments" such as, "I hate you, you're so thin!" and "Oh, you can eat anything you want--you're so thin!" are offensive. I'm 5'2", 106 lbs., and I've been told how much I "don't need to go to the gym -- you're skinny as it is!" Um, I go to the gym for my health. Ever try it? If every Prozac addict got him/herself on a treadmill three times a week, a lot less of that crap would be sold. I go to the gym to maintain my health -- not to be skinny.

And if you wonder -- for your own gossipy mouth or out of genuine curiosity -- if a woman is pregnant, SHUT THE EFF UP. If a woman is pregnant, she may be keeping it to herself for a host of reasons, none of which are your concern. If she's not, and you open your mouth, you're about to insult her. I've just shared my vitals with you. Now picture me in a tie-back tunic shirt. I love those -- they look good, they hide flaws, they flatter your boobs.

After a workshop last month, a student came up to me and said, "Congratulations! When are you due?"

I had to tell her, then watch with joy as she backpedalled, "I'm not pregnant."

So, you have a thought about someone's body shape, fat, thin, or otherwise? Shut it. Go spend your energy on facebook. Or better yet, at the gym.