Wedding RSVPs for the Guests - If you say "yes," show the eff up.

This weekend I was torn -- do I go to the out-of-state wedding I RSVP'ed to two years ago, or do I stay home and deal with my leaky roof (courtesy of Ike)?

Well, I sucked it up and went to the wedding. It was my past experience, and love of good graces, that propelled me to attend.

When you respond "yes," to a wedding invitation, barring death or disease, the only right and good thing to to is to attend. The bride and groom, or their family(ies) have laid out money and paid handsomely for your food and liquor up front. If you don't show, well, yeah, they're stuck with extra food that they won't ever see, but more importantly, it's rude.

If something super major does prevent you from attending, for Pete's sake, call the bride or groom, or a friend who can get the message through, and apologize profusely, and explain what is keeping you from celebrating their joy. And then follow up with a hand written apologetic note (not an email), preferably in the form of a nice card or wedding card, and include a cash gift. It's the right thing to do.

Do not do what (yet another) one of my rude guests did: A young man named "Kyle" was invited to our shindig. He responded that, yes, he and his SO would be attending. Great! As the cocktail hour drew to a close, no sign of Kyle and his SO; their place card sat untouched. No phone messages came in from Kyle; we worried that perhaps he'd had an accident, or perhaps crossed paths with the aforementioned death and disease.

Days after the reception, still no word from our acquaintance. My spouse emailed the young man to make sure everything was all right. His reply came back, "We went to the mall, spent the whole day shopping and had so much fun! We were just too tired to drive to your reception."

That was it. No "I'm sorry," no "oops" -- nothing. Not even a card -- empty or filled with cash.

Notice I called this guy an "acquaintance" -- he surely is no longer our friend.

Happy Birthday Miss Manners!

I love it, I love it, I love it.

WFMT (98.7 FM) has an etiquette theme as their question of the week. They ask, "What is the rudest thing you've witnessed during a concert?"

They're doing this in honor of Miss Manners' 70th birthday. Miss Manners is a great part of my inspiration, although something tells me she would do her darnedest to distance herself from a self-proclaimed bitch.

Check out Miss Manners' "Things to Avoid at A Concert." A great list, although I must point out the syntactical error -- I think it should read, "Things to Avoid Doing at a Concert."

http://www.wfmt.com/main.taf?p=28,1

Enjoy, and send in your responses! Happy Birthday, Judith Martin! We love you!

Talking on Your Cell Phone...in public

You don't need to make cell phone calls when you're at the bank, on the el, in the grocery store, at Borders, at Barnes & Noble, the gym, driving your car, etc.

And, should you subject the rest of the world to your cell phone conversations, KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.

Just because we can talk anywhere, anytime, doesn't mean we should. Unfortunately, most of the world doesn't get this.

If I hear you yapping at Borders about how you've just "stopped doing the comedy stuff, and now I'm here picking this stuff up for Sarah, yeah, she was offered two teaching positions, one at the Latin School, and one at that other school that was S-O-L" you betcha I'm going to chime in with my two cents and add to your conversation.

Ditto if you're yapping loudly at Barnes and Noble about your latest business deal.

Both offenders were young white males, late 20s -early 30s. Listen Generation Y, the world does not revolve around you, and we don't give a flying fuck about what job Sarah got or how the offer they made you was over the top.

Shut the fuck up. Keep your voice down when you're cell-yapping in public, or -- here's a lovely idea-- don't come into the store at all.

Unless it's urgent, when you get a phone call when you're out and about, tell the caller, softly, "I'm in the store, can I call you back?"

And then do so.

The world thanks you.

Ravinia fist fight over rudeness

Okay, finally, some comic relief from that boring wet noodle from Alaska:

Ravinia Festival turf war, food fight hospitalizes Arlington Heights man, cops say

By Bob Channick |Special to the Chicago Tribune

12:36 PM CDT, September 4, 2008

A dispute over lawn space erupted into a turf war that sent one man to the hospital before a sold-out Donna Summer concert Saturday at the Ravinia Festival in Highland Park, police said.

After setting up their blankets, chairs and a tarp, a group of concertgoers from Arlington Heights left for a restaurant. Returning an hour later, they found their belongings displaced by a Chicago group, which they confronted.

A woman in the Chicago group tried to attack a woman from the returning group, police said. A 40-year-old Chicago man then punched a 49-year-old Arlington Heights man, prompting a wine-and-cheese splattering melee, police said.

The Arlington Heights man was taken by ambulance to Highland Park Hospital, where he received 15 stitches, while the Chicago man was charged with battery.

I have to agree with many of the Trib's comment-posters; to "set up shop" at a festival and leave is rude. "Move your meat, lose your seat" as one poster put it. Yes, I know in a perfect world we can claim a front-row seat at the Free Andrew Bird concert or any outdoor fest; dine at a 4-star restaurant and then return to find our seat unscathed. Sadly, this is not the reality. Either bring your dinner with you, or wait until your later arrival time to claim your seat.

Personally, I'm snickering a little that a fight broke out at Ravinia. I've wanted to pop the cell-phone yakkers there myself.

Good Manners on the CTA

I get asked all the time to post about the rude-asses who ride public transport, and, believe me, one day they'll get their verbal lashing here.

Today, though, I want to point out some good manners I witnessed last night on the CTA (Chicago Transit Authority, for the non-Chicagoans).

Around 10-10:30 pm my date and I crammed onto the super-crowded 151 bus heading north.

A gentleman in a white polo, carrying a "Classic Cars" magazine offered me his seat, and I gladly accepted. I thanked him twice. So mad props to that kind stranger.

Most of you CTA riders could take a tip from that kind man.

What to Wear to A Wedding

Three years ago, at my own wedding, I was appalled at what some people wore. One woman showed up in a skin-tight, crotch-high minidress; another showed up in a ratty dress from the early 90s (it was faded; she looked pretty horrid, like she just rolled out of bed); and another wore thigh-high come-fuck-me boots.

People, you're at a wedding. Decorum is called for. Our wedding was no princess wedding. It was held at a reception hall, and yet a select few felt it okay to look like they were trolling for sex at 2 a.m. on a Saturday night.

No matter how "casual" the wedding, please show your respect when you dress. Your clothes are one way -- a very loud way, if you will -- you communicate your respect - or lack of it - for the people and places you encounter.

Yahoo has a pretty interesting article on 9 Things You Should Never Wear to a Wedding. Many comment-posters made some stupid comments: "These are basic things that people know." "These are obvious; people already know this." Uh, no, folks, unfortunately, they don't.

What killed me about my guests was they knew better: I've attended weddings with all 3 of these offenders, where they dressed well. Why did they dress like shit for my wedding? My guess is they don't respect the Bitch.

Thank You, Swingtown (Janet)

Ah, how I love Swingtown. Janet easily had the best quote this week: "Some people need to be reminded of their manners."

Yes, Janet, some people do need to be reminded of their manners. Thank you.

(Please enjoy Janet's sparky personality via the clip below. The clip of her snipping at a Male Chauvinist Pig [and reminding him of his manners] is not yet available)


Watch CBS Videos Online

On "thank you," and asking for a sandwich

This week's earlier post about rudeness on the best show ever ("Swingtown") inspired a reader to call me and vent about her pet peeve: rudeness in commercials.

Yes, caller, I have to agree with you.

First off, commercials these days just flat-out suck. They're not creative or engaging, and they're violent and stupid. No wonder kids are desensitized to violence -- it's being shown to them as a given in 30-second increments. Example: a woman is pissed off at her boyfriend, so she shoves his truck down the side of a mountain.

What kills me is these moronic pieces of mini-film making give a "warning" in 2-pt font white text on the screen (in a spot where no one looks) that says, "do not attempt." Many advertisers need to be shot.

Okay, back to my point: my caller hates the commercial where a kid walks into a kitchen and says, "Hey Mom, how about a sandwich?" and 10 seconds later, his rude-ass dad does the exact same thing.

People, the correct phrasing is: "Mom, could I please have a sandwich?" or "May I have a sandwich, please?"

It's called asking politely, folks. "Please" and "thank you" go a long way in this world.

And I'm happy to say, after viewing many of these mind-numbingly stupid commercials, I can't even tell you the brand or product they are pushing.

Thank You, Swingtown

Why does no one on TV -- even in shows that are set in politer times -- ever say "thank you"?

When someone does you a courtesy, the proper response is, "Thank you."

On last week's Swingtown (arguably the best show this summer, probably this year), Tom the Swingin' Neighbor helps Susan load supplies into a car. Mind you, Tom is not going on this trip; he's just lending a helping hand. The scene plays out thusly:

TOM:
I'll load these into the car. (Picks up bags)

SUSAN:
(weak smile)

Really, Susan, you're that deserving of help that you can't thank the guy that helped you?

Yes, I realize I'm getting spun up about fictional characters. But this is how much I love good manners -- that when an effing fake character overlooks them, I get upset.

I've seen episodes of ER in which the doctor will tell a patient something like, "I removed the bullet and stitched up your chest; you'll be able to make it to the prom by 7 pm," to only receive a quiet nod in response.

You know, I've spent weeks in the hospital with ill loved ones, and here's how the conversation usually goes:

DOCTOR
We've reviewed the lab results--

ME
Thank you, doctor!

DOCTOR
--and everything seems to be normal--

ME
Thank you!

DOCTOR
--so we just want to keep her here for another two hours--

ME
Thank you!!!!

DOCTOR
--for observation.

ME
Thank you, Doctor. We appreciate your help so much.

And while my tirade against my favorite show may seem silly, I'm sad to report that crap extends to every day.

Raise your hand if you've ever been asked for the time, and after checking your watch and telling the stranger before you the current time, s/he walks off with nary a kind word.

Yeah, I thought so.

When someone lets you into traffic, say "thank you." (polite wave of the hand)
When someone does anything kind for you -- no matter where you are -- say "thank you."

I know of a certain office worker who has demanded help on his late night projects. (demanded. not "asked for.") He never once thanked those who helped him--and, surprise surprise--no one ever stays late to help him anymore.

Back to Swingtown: Later in the same episode, Susan does another pet peeve of mine: she hangs up the phone without saying "goodbye."

Believe it or not, I do have hobbies. blogging about and blasting rude-asses is one of them.

Thank you for reading. Good-bye.


Swingtown PS: Anyone besides me think Laurie needs to be smacked into next week? Tell me in the comments.

Wedding Tips for Brides

Hey Brides, Grooms, Mothers-of-the-Brides, Maids of Honors, etc. --

To Anyone Who is throwing a wedding, paying for a wedding, hosting a shower, reception, etc.:

1. It is rude to ask for cash -- in any form, in any way, for any occassion (bridal, baby, engagement, graduation--anything).
   
   Written, verbal, on the invite, in an email--it is rude. Don't do it. Not even in a stupid cutesy poem.
   
   
2. It is crass to register for a honeymoon or new house --don't ask your guests to pay for your home or vacation. Rude, rude, rude.
   
• Registering for gifts is allowable. Technically, you're not supposed to put "Janie is registered at ____" on the invite. That said, so many people prefer knowing of a registry these days, so include a separate slip of paper listing the registry in the invite.