Going to a show

Special shout out to Judy who sent me this very cool article from the Sept. 7 Star-Tribune.

Are you going to attend a show, movie, or concert within the next millennium? Then you must read this. Yes, you.

A Withering Glance guide to etiquette for concertgoers and theater patrons. That means you.

Don't

Laugh, snort or clap three times louder than anyone else in the audience. We get it: You like it. Now calm down.

Do

Take 15 minutes to select an outfit other than what you wear to mow the lawn. You are joining others for an evening at the theater or concert hall. No need to go all Cary Grant in "To Catch a Thief," but neither do we want to see your

Vikings T-shirt, cargo shorts and flip-flops. Do you really need that fanny pack at the Guthrie?

Don't

Take three minutes to "quietly" unwrap the crinkliest throat lozenge since the invention of the Life Saver. Just rip it open and be done with it.

Do

Learn how to silence your cell phone if it should accidentally ring during a performance. Most phones have an exterior button which, if hit once, turns off the ringer. So why do so many phones seem to ring four or five times before their owners discover this feature?

Read full article here. Ignore all the comments, except the ones that say, "this article is perfect." Enjoy! And mind your manners.

Happy Birthday Miss Manners!

I love it, I love it, I love it.

WFMT (98.7 FM) has an etiquette theme as their question of the week. They ask, "What is the rudest thing you've witnessed during a concert?"

They're doing this in honor of Miss Manners' 70th birthday. Miss Manners is a great part of my inspiration, although something tells me she would do her darnedest to distance herself from a self-proclaimed bitch.

Check out Miss Manners' "Things to Avoid at A Concert." A great list, although I must point out the syntactical error -- I think it should read, "Things to Avoid Doing at a Concert."

http://www.wfmt.com/main.taf?p=28,1

Enjoy, and send in your responses! Happy Birthday, Judith Martin! We love you!

When to be a Soft Talker

1. At a concert.

2. During and after a movie, especially after a blockbuster that half the population is waiting to see.

When you go to hear music...

Let's tackle number 1. I know you think, "It's a concert, it's loud, who cares if I talk?"

The person within earshot who paid 35-50-100+ bucks a ticket, that's who. For humungo outdoor festivals (Bonaroo, Lolla, Pitchfork, Summerfest, Taste of Chicago, etc.), we're going to relax this rule a bit. But when you are at a concert in a smaller venue (think The Aragon in Chicago, The Fillmore in San Francicso, or Ravinia), or if everyone is seated, shut the eff up.

Etiquette Bitch just got an earful yesterday from a young bride who was whisked off on a romantic date to an acoustic concert. This being a special occasion, her husband popped for front-row seats,. The concert took place in a theater, where everyone had a seat. Seat. Theater. Think about it.

Said performer was the bride's favorite, and she was enjoying the show until the brainless bimbo behind her kept yapping away about: shoes, pedicures, hair follicles, the mold in her kitchen. Young Bride asked Brainless Bimbo to keep it down; Bimbo was not happy to oblige. Bimbo bitched.

A similar thing happened to me at the Joe Henry show at the Old Town School. A table of LP Trixies were seated to my right, and couldn't be bothered to shut up all night--- they yapped away through his whole set, thinking he would break into some Madonna tunes. (How do I know? They left the second Joe finished "Don't Stop," the one Madonna song he penned.)

So what does a well-mannered person do in this situation, when the boors all around you are being rude? Go get an usher, or manager. Hardly seems fair--why should you have to be inconvenienced and miss part of your favorite act due to someone else's rudeness? But go get someone -- it'll be better than you trying to shush them, and getting only a smug "nuh-uh" in return. Trust me -- I tried.

After the movie ends...

Okay, number 2: It's summertime. Many highly-anticipated movies are out right now. When you are leaving the theater, or out having drinks or dinner post-show (yes, even days after), please, please, please for the love of all good entertainment, keep mum about What Happened to Carrie or How Indy Escaped.

Other folks who are dying to see the coolest film have not gone yet. Please keep your voice down.

If you are one of those slow-goers, like myself, feel free to kindly, and politely, lean over to The Spoiler and say, "I'm sorry, forgive me for eavesdropping, but I couldn't help overhear you talking about [Carrie/Indie/Hulk/IronMan/Crappy Drew Barrymore Film]. I haven't seen it yet. Can I just ask you not to say anything please? Thanks."

If this doesn't work, walk away, or stick your fingers in your ears and go "nah-nah-nah-nah."