Finally, for house guests

The last rule for house guests is: Leave your host(s) alone. Go for a walk by yourself. Go visit the nearest large city without them. Run to the store solo and stock up on groceries for the household.

But do give your host a few minutes of peace.

Having someone else in your space for days is jarring to the soul and psyche. And with or without house guests, we all need a little decompression time.

So when someone's kind enough to put you up, leave them alone.

If you're a houseguest

The big no-no of host gifts...see why below.

When staying at someone else's home, make sure you make an offering of gratitude -- and I don't mean a stupid post-it note on the fridge with the word "Thanks!" scrawled across it.

• A gift is cheaper than a hotel. Show up with a hostess gift - even if you're only staying for one night. A bottle of wine, a bag of nice coffee beans, or sweets are nice -- anything that you think your host would appreciate.
  
  
• Do not bring hostess soaps. Nobody likes those. And they stink to high heaven.
  
  
• When visiting a home that includes small children, a little something for the little somethings is always nice.
  
  
• Staying for a few days? Or a week? Buy your host(s) at least one meal, if not more.
  
  
• Short on cash? Cook for your host(s) one night. Or morning. We loooove to be waited on.

The worst house guests I ever had stayed for two days, said, "We want to take you out for dinner!" then asked me for $30 when the bill came. Their act of gratitude? A stupid post-it note on the fridge with the word, "Thanks!" scrawled across it.

For houseguests and hosts

In honor of the fact that I'm about to have four house guests for seven days (yow!), I thought this might be a good time to post some dos and don'ts for those who host and those who stay.

Before the visit:

House guests...

• Never invite yourself. Just because your buddy Dave lives in Hawaii doesn't mean he has room for, or necessarily wants, house guests. Wait to be invited. If you're not invited but you're dying to go to Hawaii (or any other locale where you have friends/relatives/acquaintances), buy a ticket and book a hotel room, or stay home, cheapskate.
  
  
• Take care of your own special accommodations and accoutrements. If you're on a restrictive diet of enzyme-free yogurt and flax-infused chamomile enemas, don't demand your host stock up on these items, especially if they're hard to get. Same goes for special accommodations -- down-free pillows, lint-free sheets. When someone opens their home to you, this is not the time to be a diva.

• Board Fluffy or hire a pet sitter. Don't put your host in the uncomfortable position of having to answer, "Can we bring Fido?" Assume the answer is "no." This is best for all involved.

Hosts...

• Do have some food and snacks on hand for your guests. It is nice to ask beforehand what they prefer, or if they have any food allergies.
  
  
• Whatever you stock up on, don't buy the cheap stuff. Never serve your guests something you wouldn't eat or drink.
  
  
• Add some touches of comfort: Kleenex in every room, (non-pornographic) reading material near the sleeping quarters, and fresh, clean towels and washcloths are always welcoming. And "welcome" is what you want your guests to feel.

More on guests and hosts:

Never go empty-handed
Be nice to your host