I want my driftwood back!

I was on the radio this morning and had some lovely calls. (Thanks callers!) What to do when someone gives away your driftwood? Or washes his armpits and feet on a plane? Or wants to pick his nose before his wife?

Click "Play" below to find out.

Running time: 19 m 25 s

Are you clipping your nails right now? Gross.

Happy Friday! Don't trim your nails at work. Gross.

Click "play" below to listen. Running time: 4 m 11 s.


Follow me on twitter.

Give now...or not. Charity is personal.

Charity's a good thing. Helping out is a good thing. Making others feel uncomfortable is not.
Be mindful when hitting someone up for charity donations. Giving is personal -- and also difficult during these shitty economic times.

Click the play button to listen in. Running Time: 7 m 5 s.

Can we just stop the one-sided bullshit?

I'm not going to give anyone (except bloggers) free publicity, so you'll have to do a little TV-watching on your own to get who I mean here.

There's this godawful commercial in rotation right now. A man and woman are shopping for a car. And throughout the annoying ad, the woman constantly punches either her husband or the salesman.

Let's flip this around a bit, shall we?

Let's say the husband were to hit the wife repeatedly because she won't stop nagging. Or the salesperson were to slap her after she wasted his time on an hour-long test drive. Women's groups would be up in arms calling for said ads to be yanked off the air.

Why is it okay for a woman to hit a man, but not vice versa?

Violence is violence, and hitting someone just because you see a car is pretty stupid. And makes me *not* want to buy your crap product.

Stop the TMI on FB. Really.

Facebook Overshare, indeed. If you're an fb user, the best advice you can follow is to "shut up."

Click the title above to listen to why you should Shut the Fuck Up (not "status facebook update," as I thought -- hear how dorky/out of it I am) when you're posting in a public forum. We don't care how hot your wife is. Really, we don't.

Best viewed/heard in Safari.
Best heard on a Mac, with some nice speakers. But your PC will do fine, too.

Links mentioned and worth checking out:

STFU Marrieds

The Unprofessional Critic

Running time: 4m 30s

Valentine's Day: When in doubt, don't

Loaded holidays -- like February 14 -- are dangerous territory for those in new relationships. Yes, I know you're excited. But what if he/she isn't? Click the title to hear why you should maybe watch a Simpsons rerun on Cupid's Day.

Yes, you have to give a Valentine to everyone

Got kids?

Teach them, this Valentine's Day, that it's best (and good manners) to be all-inclusive, whether they like it or not. Translation: yes, your kid has to give a valentine to every person in his/her class -- not just the ones he/she likes.

Being inclusive, especially during such a public display of friendship as the Valentine Exchange, is the polite thing to do. And it's a good life lesson.

The sooner kids learn that it's best to play nice with everyone at the office, the better. And really, what's the harm in passing out cheap valentines to a bunch of people they'll never see after eighth-grade graduation?

Yes, grown-ups, we all exclude people once we're older. But being the one who's excluded is especially painful when you're a kid.

Nobody likes to be overlooked, or an afterthought.



(Well, unless that person is named "Charlie Brown.")

It's review time, so keep quiet

This time of year, managers in offices all over this great nation are stressed out. HR is riding their collective asses to get performance appraisals turned in, and not just turned in, but fitting nicely in their little pre-defined boxes.

That's some pretty private information. Sometimes, a Nosy Nancy happens upon it.

So, my message today goes out to anyone who is privy to sensitive information: keep your mouth shut.

I once knew a high-level assistant who had access to her boss's email. She delighted in reading it when he was on vacation, and then gossiping about who made what salary.

After discussing this with all my corporate friends, it seems everyone has a Nosy Nancy in the office who, for whatever reason, seems to know more than the VPs, and enjoys dishing it out to whomever will listen.

So here's a tip for all you Nosy Nancys and Gossipy Glens out there: ZIP IT!

Most of what you're blathering about is: a) none of your business, b) sensitive information. So keep it to yourself, and get your ass back to work. You're being paid to work, not gossip.