When traveling by air...

Hello readers!

EB is back from a week out East. She's returned sunburned and refreshed, and full of stuff to bitch about.

Some no-nos I saw while traveling:

• Bitching and/or making a scene on the plane.
  
  While seated before take-off, an oh-so-important businessman (in coach) was talking loudly on his phone (of course, my favorite) but then carping loudly about how hot the plane was. "I know we're all trying to cut back and save money, but Jeezus Christ this is ridiculous!" he boomed. He then halted a passing flight attendant, "Hey, could you turn on the air please?"
  
  Bless her, she explained in a quiet voice why she could not.
  
  
• Not wearing underwear. (This is a no-no no matter where you are: sea, plane, land.)
  
  The offender in question was a young male seated a few rows ahead of me at a jazz show. He was wearing jeans. He bent over to tie his shoe, and, oh my. I may have been on the East Coast, but I was viewing the Southern Hemisphere.
  
  I so did not want to see that. People -- male and female, young and old -- please cover up.
  
  
• Talking loudly at 8:00 a.m. on Sunday.
  
  When at the airport, especially if it's before noon on a Sunday, and you have to yap on your cell phone, please keep your voice low. It's not 1996 anymore, and one no longer needs to shout into one's cell phone in order to be heard.
  
  Please just consider the others around you for a moment -- do they really care that you took Billy to the beach? Or that you're having that cyst tested on Wednesday? Or that you're going to ask for a silk wrap at your nail appointment? Answer: no. Also, most of us are not awake yet, and your incessant chatter is annoying. Lower your voice and let us finish our coffee. We thank you.
  

Some Tips For When Plane Goes Bye-Bye

Special thanks to JR for suggesting today's topic.

As a long-time business traveler, Etiquette Bitch has some tips for airline travel. If implemented, these suggestions will keep you from pissing off your fellow passengers, and make for a smoother, friendlier ride for everyone. These guidelines apply 24/7/365; ie, they are not seasonal.

1. Cover your mouth. When you're on a plane, you're sharing trapped, recirculated air with 200 other people. Sneeze? Cough? Cover your mouth. (best way: sneeze or cough into your elbow. I know, you don't want your germs on your precious hands) Your fellow travelers don't want your effing germs. We have clients and families to visit; please don't spread your sickness.
   
   
2. Even if you think "it's nothing" or "I just have allergies," cover your damn mouth.
   
   
3. Teach your children to do #1 and #2.
   
   
4. No taking off your shoes. We don't care if your feet swell or it's more comfortable. Cover your feet. We don't need (nor want to) smell your podiatric aroma. If you must, then please please for the love of god carry a pair of slipper socks with you and use 'em.
   
   And for the love of god, please don't do this while waiting :
   
   
   Yecch. We don't want to smell your feet on the airplane, or in the terminal, stinky.
   
   
   

One time, sitting in my usual aisle seat, the guy behind me not only took off his shoes, but then put his foot up on my armrest. I had to do a few bumps and comments to get him to move his feet. Disgusting. Funnier still, when a business writer asked me for stories of yucky air travel, I shared the above with her. Her email came back, "Oh, well, I've done that before." Yeah, I guess that's 'cause you're a rude bitch.

Any other travel rudeness you've experienced? Email me: etiquetteb@gmail.com