To clarify about tacky thank-yous

Reader marybt posted a great comment yesterday asking about my disdain for photo thank-yous:


"I had some made by Shutterfly that have my kid's picture on the front and say thank you. But then we actually write a note on the inside. How is that tacky?

I'd hate to unknowingly make some faux pas.

BTW, my daughter will be 2 next month. I already have her color on the thank you notes so that she gets into the habit."

So, first, let's give some major kudos to marybt for: a) teaching her child to write thank yous, and b) including a personal note.

What marybt is doing (photo+note) is acceptable and nice. She's saying thank you and including a photo.

To clarify: Photo cards are not inherently evil; it's when they are sent solo in place of a thank you, sans handwritten note, that they are evil.

My classless (but not immediate, thank god) relatives have sent something like this, instead of writing a thank-you.

I'm with marybt -- photos are nice. In fact, I'd love a picture of the kids, your wedding, whatever -- as long as you make a minuscule effort and write "thank you, I love the $100 check you gave me."

Shoving a photo into a card and mailing it off is not effort.

Another nice thing and thank-yous

My friend K. went on a trip last week, and left a t-shirt behind. He didn't even notice it was missing until it turned up in the mail, shipped to him by the owner of the inn where he stayed.

Of course, the inn owners are getting a nice, hand-written thank you in the mail.

Although these days you'll hear that you're "technically" not required to send a thank you (because gifts should be given in the spirit -- yeah, bullshit), good manners dictate that when someone goes out of their way for you, or buys you a gift, you take about 2 minutes out of your life, and send a thank you note. Hand-written. Not pre-printed photocards -- those stupid things are tacky and, no, they don't get you off the hook.

I was filing receipts this weekend and came across proof of multiple baby gifts I'd bought for random procreators--you know, casual friends and acquaintances. Not one had sent me a thank-you or even called to say thanks. So unless you're a friend or relative of mine and you're pregnant, no more gifts from the Bitch.

When someone gives you a gift...

...you send a hand-written thank you note.

Not a stupid, pre-printed photo card.

Not "nothing." Especially if they traveled and invested time and expense to celebrate your occasion with you.

The Bitch attended an out-of-state wedding a month ago, and is still awaiting her "thanks." Who knew my friends were so ungracious?

Aww, you got a present. Now say, "thank you," lazy-ass.

Yes, the true spirit of a "gift" is to give something with no expectations of anything in return.

But, hell, a "thank you" would be nice. Written, preferrably.

Look, people: the gift-giver spent time, money and energy. The least you can do is say -- verbally and written -- "thank you."

There's an unfortunate trend going around right now -- helped along by the retail paper, wedding industry, and photo-ordering sites, no doubt-- of these stupid "photo thank yous."

I'm sad to say that I've received my unfortunate fair share of these lazy, thoughtless photos posing as thank-yous. These flimsy photos have landed in my mailbox after weddings, christenings, and children's birthday parties. The photo cards are pre-ordered by the clueless parents (or, in one case, bride) before the occasion. Immediately after said party, to which I drove over an hour, purchased a gift with my good money, and spent my time watching you corral your brats (or get married, whatever), the lazy parent or lazy bride then shoves a pre-printed photo card with a photo of guest of honor into an envelope, does not include a personalized note, and sends it off.

Frankly, I'm offended. (see effort, time, driving, money, etc. cited above)

Whenever someone makes the effort to show up for you, and has gone to time and expense to bring you a gift, take 30 seconds, grab some note paper, and write a couple sentences of thanks, then spend 42 cents and mail it, lazy ass.